Good news/bad news

Good news: My computer is more or less running well after its wipe and reinstall. Somehow the built-in Microsoft database protocols that programs like Excel and Adobe Photoshop Album depend on got hosed. That's why you haven't seen any updates to the Ellie photo gallery for some time - it's not that I haven't been taking them, God knows! So things are happier, I think. We'll see, once I get everything installed, configured and just the way I like it.

Bad news: Despite being ever so thorough in my backing up before the reinstall, I managed to miss one very important set of files - my web site. DOH! =( Since everything is published and reasonably up to date, it won't be an immedate issue. Also, the blog will continue to work just fine. But I'm not going to be able to make any changes to the main site without recreating everything. That'll be a lot of work... possibly fun, but a lot of work, just the same. I expect that will be a summer project.

What's going on here?

Why are we breaking the bank on building up our own WMDs when our budget is being thrashed by the wars supposedly intended to eliminate other nations WMD programs?

Our Hidden WMD Program - Why Bush is spending so much on nuclear weapons. By Fred Kaplan: "Measured in 'real dollars' (that is, adjusting for inflation), this year's spending on nuclear activities is equal to what Ronald Reagan spent at the height of the U.S.-Soviet standoff. It exceeds by over 50 percent the average annual sum ($4.2 billion) that the United States spent - again, in real dollars - throughout the four and a half decades of the Cold War."

The three-minute update

It's been a long time... Easter and Lent have kept me busy.

Some interesting new developments:

(1) I've become one of the beta testers for Google's new e-mail service, Gmail. You can send me messages at BobSchaefer@gmail.com to test it out. You may have read about it - Google (the search engine) has made big headlines lately by announcing this free e-mail service. It works a lot like Hotmail or any other web-based e-mail service, except that Google gives you ONE GIGABYTE of storage space. (For comparison, all of my e-mail since 1995 takes up only about 300 megabytes, or less than 1/3 the space Gmail offers me.) The idea is that you never delete an e-mail sent to your Gmail account - instead, you archive it. You can then use the built-in Google search on YOUR E-MAIL to find any message ever sent to you, in a jiffy. How does Google benefit from this? They serve up computer-selected ads based on the contents of your e-mail. Some people find this intrusive, but if you had any idea how many computers already have access to your messages, you woudln't worry so much. Personally, I think it's kind of a hoot to see what sort of text ads Google's going to come up with for messages from Shawn or Mike. ;) Please send me some messages at my new account so I can give it a fair shake. So far, I'm very impressed. This is the best webmail I've used.

(2) Taxes were good to me - good enough that I've finally realized my dream of owning a digital SLR camera. I'm the proud owner of a Canon Digital Rebel. I'm even more impressed with this camera than I am with Gmail. ;) It is absolutely WONDERFUL. I can do so much more with this camera than I've ever been able to do with any of my prior cameras, it's not even funny. I'm planning on doing some serious shooting this spring and summer, so that I can put together a sizable portfolio. I'd like to set up a table at some arts and crafts fairs later in the season, or next year. On top of that, the puppy pictures are going to be a lot better. ;) Seriously, I'm having a ridiculous amount of fun with this camera. Maybe the best (unexpected) benefit is that I actually feel like a "serious" photographer now. It's an intangible thing, but I think that shapes the pictures when you feel like you're actually a real photographer, with real equipment and real talent. I'm kicking around registering www.bobschaeferphotography.com as a front for my hobby... for $35/year, it seems like it might be a good investment. No one else is allowed to register it, or I'll have to kick your butt! =P

(3) Synod assembly is tomorrow and Friday. I'll be in Fargo overnight, so you can reach me at my cell phone. Hopefully I'll have access to e-mail at the hotel, too.

(4) Another funeral today. That makes five full funerals, and one where I only did the committal. A dozen miles away, Lucinda's got two weddings and two baptisms coming up. I haven't had any of those, and don't have any on the horizon; Lucinda, on the other hand, has only had one funeral in almost two years of her ministry. My predecessor, Lee Herberg, had a reputation as the "Funeral King"... I sure would rather not follow in his shoes, although I'm keeping a pretty steady pace here. =(

That's all for now. I'm going to go try some pictures in the dark. =)

Chickens!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (former Iraqi ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Since you asked about crossing the road, did I ever tell you that, when I was young, I had to cross a road that was covered with seven feet of snow just to get to school?

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the Chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens, crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RENE DESCARTES
The chicken thinks he crosses the road, therefore he is.

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

DNC Video: Mistakes Were Made

Watch President Bush bumble his way through what should be a simple question: "What has your biggest mistake been, and what have you learned from it?" The kind of thing that gets asked in any job review... an opportunity for honest reflection and growth. Um, none of that on display here.

Thoughts on the Noble Dog

Passed on by Cindy:

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of tongue. - Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Ibid.

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. - M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. - Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. - Dave Barry

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. - James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's $21.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. - Dave Miliman

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. - Unknown

Fooled in April?

Good thing that the Gastron is only an April Fool's joke by the good folks at Think Geek. =) If you're a tech-sorta person, you ought to do yourself a favor and take a look at their real products... sometimes you'll swear that something there must be a leftover from April 1! Very cool stuff.

Happy Birthday, Miriam!

New product: The Gastron

Anyone else think this is a bad, bad idea? Gastron Remote Controlled Hunger Eliminator