Argh - suicidal!

No, not ME... That stupid, obnoxious song!

If you really, truly haven't heard this tripe at least a dozen times ("you have me sooo-icidal, sooo-icidal"), I'm sure you can google "Sean Kingston beautiful girls" and partake to your heart's content. Which more than likely will be exactly thirty-four and a half seconds.

Me, I can't get through a meal at Subway without hearing it once, maybe twice. Supper at the Arches tonight, and there it was again ("you're way too beauooo-tee-ful, girl, you have me sooo-icidal, sooo-icidal"). Make it stop!

Here are my top five reasons for loathing this song:

1. Overplay. Seriously, even the best songs get tired when you hear them on about a 43-minute cycle in every public venue out there. This probably says as much about the generic, played-out state of Top 40 radio as it does about this song, but "Beautiful Girls" would be a lot easier to swallow if I didn't have to gag it down again and again and again...

2. Earworm. That's the proper name for getting a song stuck in your head. Researchers have identified all sorts of traits that make a song "catchy" in this way, and, I can testify to the fact that BG has earworm written all over it. And not in a good way. Much the same as "The Song That Never Ends," it's the kind of song you're not happy to have worm its way into your brain.

3. It rips off Ben E. King. One of the few positive things about th song id that it's got a good groove. Except that groove was lifted straight from "Stand By Me." So if you're humming BG, it might have something to do with the fact that it's Ben E. King's supremely catchy bassline you're hearing, not anything Sean Kingston cooked up himself.

4. Stupid ending. The song comes to an abrupt close with an effect that's supposed to sound, I guess, like a tape deck melting down. So is that supposed to be the sonic equivalent of of offing oneself? "Sooo-i-showww-darhhhhhhgh." Lame.

5. "Suicidal" for you - how charming. Maybe I'm becoming a fuddydud in my old age, but it really bugs me hearing a peppy, bouncy song whose chorus is the word "suicidal." The song's lyrics are moderately tragic, but the tone of the song makes it sound almost like a compliment to be "sooo-icidal" for a girl, if she's really "beauooo-tee-ful." There re some things that I just don't think are appropriate to trivialize, and the way this song makes ending one's own life catchy, flattering, and perfectly reasonable, reinforced every hour of every day, is just not appropriate. Sean K's lack of common sense and common decency toward those who have lost a TRULY suicidal loved one are sad.

Let's move on to the next mediocre #1 hit, and let this song find its way quickly into the waste bin of music history. With any luck Sean Kingston will be the epitomy of the one hit wonder, and I won't have to listen to his follow-ups, "Pedophilic," "Schizophrenic," and "Homicidal."

*end of rant*