Don’t put it off? Why not?
Well! There you are. I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever get around to reading this!
That's okay, I didn't mind the waiting. I was even going to start to work on cleaning my room, but now that you're here, well, my room can wait.
I'd planned to tell you everything you ever wanted to know about the Incredible SPAM Doctor™ pressure cooker and blender, but Whizz, International® never did send me that free information to share with y'all (not to mention my free recipe book, 115 Uses For SPAM!). So instead, I'm going to tell you about SAP.
What's SAP? You mean you haven't heard? Ronnie must not have gotten that ad to the printer on time. Good for him!
You see, SAP stands for the Society of American Procrastinators. SAP members (called Saps) are truly the cultural elite of our fair nation. Our members range in stature from world leaders to best-selling authors to average Joes like you and... well, like you. I'm proud to say that I'm a card-carrying member, or at least I will be when they get my card made up.
The other night I went to one of our semi-regular meetings. Our leader, the Biggest Sap, has designated the first Monday of each even-numbered month with eight letters in its name as our meeting night. But everybody always seems to get a call the week before the meeting from the Big Guy to let us know that he can't make it, but he's rescheduled the shindig for the next week. This month's meeting was actually supposed to be in March. Hey, the guy's good; that's why he's the Biggest Sap.
Anyway, only a few members were able to attend that meeting. Most of them said, though, that they'd be at the next one, so no one was too upset.
The meeting was business as usual: Which bills absolutely have to be paid? What projects are being done? How should we reprimand the people who are getting their projects done? The Biggest Sap even gave a special speech on the merits of proper rationalization, and how to do it right.
Well, needless to say I was quite inspired by that meeting! By the time the committees were explaining why they didn't have their reports finished, I was very nearly in tears. It was just so beautiful! These guys have worked all their lives to get where they are now; today they are first-class procrastinators. I know that I can't ever be as good at it as they are, but I sure am going to try to do the best darn job of putting things off that I can. Tomorrow.
Bob Schaefer is a columnist for Tigers Eye, the official student newspaper of Hutchinson High School.
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Ssite, contents, and design copyright © 2002-2006 Robert James Schaefer. All rights reserved.
Last updated Sunday, August 20, 2006.
